Go back to your first love….

Deep breath.

Inhale

Exhale

Repeat

Smile

Hold On

And go!

I long for the intimate moments from God that wash over me like rain. But, I’ve learned that God is always giving me these moments I’m just not at a place emotionally to receive it. Why? Life gets busy, work is more demanding, and more time needs to be poured into relationships. All in all, I allow the “busy” things of this world to take more of my attention than Him. In May of this year during one of those quiet moments, more like a moment of surrender from spiritual exhaustion that comes from being hard headed, I asked “What now for my life?”  He simply said “Go back to your first love” and I knew exactly what that meant.

As a young girl I learned what things held such a dear place in my heart that always brought a smile to my face. These things are riding horses, working in the yard, reading books until the wee hours of the morning, lying out in the sun and sharing my heart with God. These are my first loves. God’s timing is perfect. As I’ve asked myself the question of “Where is the love of my life?” Again, the answer was “go back to your first love”.  I’ve learned enough in life to be clearly aware of when the Lord is giving me instructions & I distinctly remember the experiences that come from being disobedient.

Reading was first. I’m determined to get through the Bible cover to cover. This was the first book I picked up; there are a few others that I’m working through. Jesus Calling, Falling in Love with Jesus & Kingdom Man. Hey if I’m praying for a Godly man I better understand how to support him. 

Yard work is next. It’s amazing how my focus on the things I don’t have is changing as I work in the yard & what a mess the yard at my new home is (see below and please ignore the weeds).  

I found myself surprisingly excited when I walk through Nurseries and smell the flowers; I’ve become a regular at Lowe’s, they recognize me instantly and ask how it is going.  I forgot how much I loved the feel of raw dirt on my hands, the enjoyment of sweat on my brow as I toil the ground with my hand and trusty shovel.

I’ve ignored my first love for so long.

On a Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago I was driving around hunting for garage sales and not surprising I couldn’t find one. A still quiet voice said “go and take care of your home”.  Again, I knew exactly what that meant. I had collected so many things with the intention of putting the inside of my home together but there they all lay in a pile on the dining room table. Fear had crept in which lead to procrastination and in turn more shopping as an attempt to fill the need to be still.

With prompt obedience I turned the car around & went home. There too I found peace and enjoyment. If it was hanging curtains or stacking the bookshelf. These little things brought me joy and before I knew it I was smiling. Not just on the inside but physically smiling.

 

I’m thankful for that God refreshing spiritual rain that came over me in May. I was so busy living life that I wasn’t living life. This next year is full of adventure. No, I don’t mean mountain climbing, I’m deathly afraid of heights. Even escalators at malls freak me out. What I’m excited about is revisiting the first loves of my life and journaling about the journey.  Oh, what about the male love of my life you’re asking? Well, maybe I’ll meet him along the way & knowing how the Lord likes to help me get over my fears. Boaz will probably be on top of some mountain.